my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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