There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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