She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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