Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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