I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
