I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
