I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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