apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
