He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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