He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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