there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
