So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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