Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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