guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
