When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
