I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
