I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
