i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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