you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
