Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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