I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
a search helicopter?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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