Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
