I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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