If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
