I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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