Soap is not a condiment
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
