Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
