When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
