Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
