you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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