You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
