they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
