Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
