We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
