after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
