just come out here and I will go home with you...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
