so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
