Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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