The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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