Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
