god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
