why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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