You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
