Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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