She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
