the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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