ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
