Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
