Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
