I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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