I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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