god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
