ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
